Its been just over a month since my sister Joy passed away. I'm still dazed from the roller coaster of events that led up to her death. My resulting grief flows like the ebb and flood tides controlled by some force outside of myself.

Dave gently reminds me to lean on the tools from my marathon swims to get through the darkness and Im grateful that he does. During the tough times on my swims, I think about what I'm grateful for and Dave is right about doing it now too. Its even more poignant since Joy was with us on my Loch Ness swim in which I needed to dig deep swimming so long in the cold water.

I miss Joy a lot especially over the holiday but the hole created is smaller because of her wonderful friends, my family, my own amazing friends and the compassionate people I met during her stay at the Winnie Palmer hospital in Orlando. During her 3+ weeks, I was regularly prayed over and hugged by many people at the hospital and Joy was prayed for by so many strangers like the Starbucks barista. There is a long list of people who I'm grateful for their support including her Drs, ICU nurses and hospice team. They made an awful situation tenable and led the way for navigating her end of life.

For me, this gratitude is what is filling the gap between low and high tide. This is my way of softening the blow.

In one of Joy's journals I found a list of 100 things that she was grateful for. Her list included things large and small, family and friends to the early morning fall chill. Joy walked through life observing everything and always giving to others. Im grateful for her and all she did to look over me as a big sister. I know that she is still looking over me and still helping others just in a different way.